I’ll Praise You in the Storm
Monday, June 17, 2024
It’s been one year since I lost my last baby. It was very early on in my pregnancy, but long enough for the hopes of a new little one to love to sync in. A short time to process the unexpected, but long enough to get excited about the unexpected. And now, one year removed, the grief still comes in like a wave.
For me, the waves don’t show much on the outside. My waves are more internal. So, what does that look like? Well, my friend, it looks like this; You know how in the spring and summer months, a storm can pop up out of nowhere? One minute, you’re looking out the window, the sun is shining, the sky is blue, and all is calm with the wind. You even leave the car windows down a little because you just know it’s going to be a sunny and beautiful day. You go about your business for a little, then suddenly, you hear the rain pouring down outside. You go back to the window to see that gray skies have moved in, the sun is gone, and rain is being dumped from the clouds like an overflowing bucket. The water pours into and collects inside your car. In that moment, all you can do is stand there, frozen, and think to yourself, “I shouldn’t have put the windows down.”
According to brain-based research, people typically have three responses to trauma: flight, fight, or freeze. Flight is when you try to escape in some manner. For some, it may be physically leaving the situation. For others, it may just be ignoring the situation that is happening right in front of them. Fight is more so an outward response. This could be yelling, screaming, using mean words, or even being physical. Then there’s freeze. This is when your mind goes blank, you shut down, and you just simply zone out.
This time around, this wave of grief sent me into “freeze” mode. For those of you who don’t know, I am the director of a very large child care program in the Columbus area. During the school year, we have 350-375 children enrolled, with 70-80 staff members. In the months of April and May, we begin to prepare for 200+ summer campers to come into our program. So, at the height of summer, when many people are slowing down for vacation, my team is preparing to have 420+ children on campus, with 90-100 staff. To put it lightly, I am an organized chaos coordinator of tiny and tall humans. This year, specifically, I’ve had to navigate through a lot of change within my job. So potentially, this is the reason that my response to this wave was to freeze.
With my first miscarriage, I went in to fight mode. I was aggressive with my words, I was irritable, and just straight up angry. Then somewhere along the way, the fight moved into flight. I started running again because I wanted to escape the pain. I wanted to not think about my hurt and preferred to feel my body hurt than to feel my heart hurt. But this wave of freeze, I didn’t expect. I was in freeze mode for almost a full week before I even recognized that I was responding to the internal clock of being one year removed from my most recent loss. As I reflect, I think it’s been more like 3 weeks of freezing. I’ve been taking naps, unmotivated to do things around my house, and just wanting to hide. This wave isn’t new, but it’s one I haven’t experienced in quite some time, so it’s not as familiar and easy for me to recognize. But now that I recognize it, I can put a name to it, and I can begin to work my way through it. But there is one thing that I’ve always continued to do through every wave and every storm… PRAISE THE LORD!
Psalm 149 starts with “Praise the LORD!” and proceeds to tell us how to praise, as well as the result of praising! In 2 Chronicles 5, we read about the ark of the covenant being brought into the temple. When the people came together in unison to give praise and thanks to the Lord, His presence consumed the Temple of God. Then, later in Acts 16, we read about Paul and Silas singing hymns in the prison cell, and how the chains of every prisoner flew off and the doors opened… These are just three of the many scriptural references on how praise is a weapon to break thespirits of oppression, depression, and suppression.
Almost every Sunday morning, I get the pleasure of driving my sister and our children to church. One of the things we enjoy most is cranking up the radio and singing out our favorite praise songs. For the kids, they enjoy the fun beat and singing with hand motions. But for my sister and I, it’s a time for us to be reminded of how good God is, and to remind God that we have not forgotten His promises. See, praise isn’t just telling God how good He is. He knows He’s a good God. Praise is us reminding ourselves how good God is by reciting the promises He’s given us through His Word! God cannot go back on His promises. He’s perfect! That’s the one thing He truly can’t do. Through praise, we can remember that. Praise is also declarative. It’s publicly declaring our relationship with Him. When you lift your hands in agreement and unison with an army of believers, you’re declaring your faith in God and reminding the enemy that he has absolutely no power over you. When I lift my hands, I am letting the enemy know that I belong to God and that I stand in His victory, even if it doesn’t mentally or emotionally feel like it. When I tap into my spiritual strength, eventually my emotions and mental thoughts catch up. When I lift my hands toward God and declare and reflect on all the storms He’s brought me through, my emotions begin to regulate and my mental state begins to come out of the heavy, dense fog. I may still be in the storm and inside the wave, but I begin to see through it all with a little more clarity. And eventually, the wave and storm ends.
So, when you’re in your storm or in your wave, reach up and praise. God is right there with open arms ready to receive you and provide the healing you need.
Love,
The Storm Riding Momma!